The First of Many

So…

I decided to get my life together and well, nothing can motivate (or de-motivate you) like a bunch of people on the internet either saying something along the lines of “yaaay go you go” or “go die. You’re a loser” etc etc. Let’s be honest, there are both types of people out there on the internet and then there’s the third who might just jack off to this.

(Kidding. Not kidding. I don’t know. The internet is full of wonderful and strange people)

For most of my life I was a skinny ugly duckling. Yeah braces and glasses can do that to you. So can buck teeth (hence the braces).  I never ate much and my mother used to force feed me.

As I got older, I got over the force feeding thing and just started to consume food at a pretty exponential rate. When puberty hit I became not so ugly, not so skinny. Helloooo curves..

I ate and I read. Now that I think about it – I was basically a male lion cub in training. Eat the food that someone else brings me and go sleep.

Even when I was “skinny” my mother used to say I was getting fatter and eventually. I got sick of it and then I really embraced the lion lifestyle. I ate and I slept even more.

I was a size 8 and my mother said I was fat. I was a size 10 and still according to her, I was fat and now. Now I’m a 12 borderline 14 and I can see the stretch marks on my body and I’m starting to worry.

I know my mom only meant the best. She was pretty skinny until she met my dad and then embraced his lifestyle of junk food all day every day. She would tell me how she could wear age 11 – 12 clothing even though she was 21/22.

Now I watch her fit on clothes in stores and I see her die a little inside each time she tries to fit something she likes on and it doesn’t fit. My mom is pretty fashionable after all. She even used to model for the clothing company she worked for (until you know… dad came along and so did I ).

She tries now, her hardest to lose weight but she’s on medication for osteoporosis and rheumatoid arthritis and her meds make her swell. Dad regardless of his and her health issues continues to prefer rich unhealthy foods over simple healthy dishes and what can I say. I’m like my dad but I sure as hell don’t want his health issues.

Hence my desire to start exercising eating slightly better and hopefully going back to a slightly smaller size (I’m also hoping my boobs get smaller. I can’t deny).

At the moment I’m about 68kg (my scale isn’t that accurate) and I don’t know what my measurements are because I’m useless at taking them. When I see my aunt I’ll ask her to check my chest, waist and hips.

Yes. I’ve taken pictures of my body and rationally I know I’m not that overweight but I know that my parents have some pretty severe health issues and I know I don’t want to suffer as I get older either.

I will post the pictures in a little while. Maybe in like 2 weeks and show you a comparison of what’s actually happening but all I can say is that I hope this works out.

I know what it’s like to start and stop a program. To have hope and lose it. To try fad diets and metabolism resets all in the hope that I can feel better about my body. Less ashamed.

But hopefully with this blog I’ll also learn a few things about having the self confidence to own my size and maybe just maybe I can motivate my mother as well.

Be happy, Be Healthy, Be Free

xo

Mish

 

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Just so we’re clear.. This is me. Not knowing what to do when someone tells me to pose..

 

 

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