The Start

So.. It’s been about a week since my first post and I must confess.. I’ve barely exercised.

I tried to do the shower routine (It’s this really simple easy pre-shower routine) every other day but that just failed.


  • 50 x Jumping Jacks
  • 5 x Push Ups
  • 20 x Crunches
  • 20 x Mountain Climbers
  • 30 Second Plank

I sometimes add in 20 squats just because … but I often don’t do it, because I am lazy. (Hence the blog).

However, today I start a program called Insanity.

It was created by Shaun T* (Hip hop abs etc) and it is literally insane.

It is kind of costly. Like hello.. I’m still searching for work and the South African rand doesn’t exactly mean much but luckily I found it at a second hand sale (WHOOOOOOT).

The reviews for insanity are well, insane. People have dropped Kg’s (pounds) like it was water and I decided why not.I know I’m going to be pushing my body to the limits but the human body is capable of incredible things.

So I took down my stats (Which you’ll all see in a few lines) and I’ve decided to try and stick to the 63 day program. I have before pictures (which you’ll see in 2 weeks and not now cause at least I’ll be able to show you the before and after difference).

Here are my stats as of the 28/03/2016:

  • Chest: 107 cm
  • L Bicep: 27 cm
  • R Bicep: 28 cm
  • Waist: 92 cm
  • Hips: 108.5 cm
  • L Thigh: 59.5 cm
  • R Thigh: 61.5 cm
  • L Calf: 34 cm
  • R Calf: 34.5 cm
  • Weight: 69kg

[Can someone explain why my body seems to be bigger on the right hand side? or is that because i’m right handed and therefore it is my more dominant side?? does that make sense??]

I had no idea how to test my body fat percentage but let’s just say it’s fat okay. (well, semi chubby).

With Insanity, it is advised not to do any other programs as you might put a strain  on your muscles/joints/ligaments etc but I have added a simple stretch routine for before and after each day and I’m considering using the Nike + Fitness App to do 15 minutes of Yoga daily. This I believe will help with my overall flexibility which at this moment is non existent.

The thing about programs like this is that it’s pointless doing it or starting it if you’re not going to push through until the end – Hopefully, I’ll be able to make it though this program and come out of it healthier and happier.

I know that to see the results I want it’ll take blood, sweat and tears but in the end it’ll be worth it.

Be Happy, Be Healthy, Be Free



*If you want to know more about Shaun T and the workout programs he offers, you can take a look at his page here


This is why I have issues with my diet.. This is my reaction to dessert.. Dessert = Life










Dealing With Inadequacy : “Relationships”

Many of us feel like we’re not worth it. Like we’re not enough and that’s honestly a problem.

For women (I can’t speak from a guys perspective sorry), some of us seek the approval we need from guys who honestly don’t deserve us. We’ll give an arm, a leg and even a kidney for them but to them we’re disposable and inter-changeable. It kinda makes sense why girls who are in relationships are so protective over their boyfriends/partners/lovers etc.

There are girls who truly give no fucks whatsoever and if your man is what she wants, come hell or high water she will have him. Yeah. It’s going to hurt you like a bitch but do you really want to be with someone who was so easily swayed by someone else?

I’ve learnt the hard way that seeking approval and validation from guys, about who I am, isn’t going to make me happy. At least not in the long run – for short term purposes then hell yeah but when he turns his attention from you. Stops calling. Stops texting or replying to messages (but you know he reads it.. THANK YOU WHATS APP FOR THE BLUE TICKS).

You drive yourself crazy. You blame yourself and your reflex is to ask him what you’ve done wrong. Why he’s mad at you.

You need to take a step back and realize that you aren’t the problem. He is.

You’ll go through stages of anger, denial, you’ll cry, you’ll be over him and then you’ll stare at his profile in the hopes that he’ll message but he’ll never message or maybe he will. Maybe he’ll give you excuses and tell you he loves you and in that same breath.. He’ll ask you for pics.. of a sexual nature. To keep him happy, maybe you’ll send him pics but deep down you’ll know it’s wrong.

You’ll know he’s just using you for a free quick fix and you’ll bleed inside.

Just know. It’s okay. You aren’t the only one crying alone in your room at night over some silly boy. Trust me. I’ve cried so much over the years that I now wonder if i’ll ever find my prince charming. If when I meet him, would I even deserve him?

Unhealthy “relationships” can lead to feeling even more inferior or more inadequate and sometimes, they can even drive you absolutely insane until you’re that person checking his social media to see if he replies ( guilty as charged. I did it ONCE okay.)

Yes. The right man for you won’t make you feel like you’re only good for his sexual pleasure. He’ll make you feel like you’re his world, his partner and his friend.

Don’t feel inadequate. Don’t feel like you’re alone.

I promise you. You’re not alone.

I am here.

I’m here and all I’m doing is trying to set myself free from the things that cloud my mind and impair my judgement.  Free from feeling like I’m worthless until eventually, all I’ll feel is that I can touch the sky and perhaps even beyond it. Simply because my spirit will be free.

I know I haven’t dealt with all of my issues in terms of feeling inadequate but maybe one I will.

All I know is that I hope to share this journey with you and maybe we can help each other.


Be happy, Be Healthy, Be Free






The First of Many


I decided to get my life together and well, nothing can motivate (or de-motivate you) like a bunch of people on the internet either saying something along the lines of “yaaay go you go” or “go die. You’re a loser” etc etc. Let’s be honest, there are both types of people out there on the internet and then there’s the third who might just jack off to this.

(Kidding. Not kidding. I don’t know. The internet is full of wonderful and strange people)

For most of my life I was a skinny ugly duckling. Yeah braces and glasses can do that to you. So can buck teeth (hence the braces).  I never ate much and my mother used to force feed me.

As I got older, I got over the force feeding thing and just started to consume food at a pretty exponential rate. When puberty hit I became not so ugly, not so skinny. Helloooo curves..

I ate and I read. Now that I think about it – I was basically a male lion cub in training. Eat the food that someone else brings me and go sleep.

Even when I was “skinny” my mother used to say I was getting fatter and eventually. I got sick of it and then I really embraced the lion lifestyle. I ate and I slept even more.

I was a size 8 and my mother said I was fat. I was a size 10 and still according to her, I was fat and now. Now I’m a 12 borderline 14 and I can see the stretch marks on my body and I’m starting to worry.

I know my mom only meant the best. She was pretty skinny until she met my dad and then embraced his lifestyle of junk food all day every day. She would tell me how she could wear age 11 – 12 clothing even though she was 21/22.

Now I watch her fit on clothes in stores and I see her die a little inside each time she tries to fit something she likes on and it doesn’t fit. My mom is pretty fashionable after all. She even used to model for the clothing company she worked for (until you know… dad came along and so did I ).

She tries now, her hardest to lose weight but she’s on medication for osteoporosis and rheumatoid arthritis and her meds make her swell. Dad regardless of his and her health issues continues to prefer rich unhealthy foods over simple healthy dishes and what can I say. I’m like my dad but I sure as hell don’t want his health issues.

Hence my desire to start exercising eating slightly better and hopefully going back to a slightly smaller size (I’m also hoping my boobs get smaller. I can’t deny).

At the moment I’m about 68kg (my scale isn’t that accurate) and I don’t know what my measurements are because I’m useless at taking them. When I see my aunt I’ll ask her to check my chest, waist and hips.

Yes. I’ve taken pictures of my body and rationally I know I’m not that overweight but I know that my parents have some pretty severe health issues and I know I don’t want to suffer as I get older either.

I will post the pictures in a little while. Maybe in like 2 weeks and show you a comparison of what’s actually happening but all I can say is that I hope this works out.

I know what it’s like to start and stop a program. To have hope and lose it. To try fad diets and metabolism resets all in the hope that I can feel better about my body. Less ashamed.

But hopefully with this blog I’ll also learn a few things about having the self confidence to own my size and maybe just maybe I can motivate my mother as well.

Be happy, Be Healthy, Be Free





Just so we’re clear.. This is me. Not knowing what to do when someone tells me to pose..